The First Of December (Part 2)

I guess I just couldn't stay off of here. I found some witty quotes online, and I thought I might share them with you on this fine, snowy day!

- Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

- Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.

- Advice for the day: If you have a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two, and KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN.

- A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

- The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

- What would a chair look like, if your knees bent the other way?

- Why do our noses run and our feet smell?

- Anyone who uses the phrase "easy as taking candy from a baby" has never tried taking candy from a baby.

- When I hear somebody say "Life is hard" I'm always tempted to ask "Compared to what?"

- What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

- Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

- I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

- Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things.

- Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.

- Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.


I just thought these were funny :).