As doleful as I am right now, I can't shed a tear. My heart is feeling slightly tortured and any amount of prayer would be most welcome.
I am so emotionally drained that I can't even cry about the thing that has made me the most angry, confused, bitter, and most of all, sad in the last month.
Just when you think you're over it... something minuscule happens.
But, it hits you square in the face and causes more pain than you thought possible in such a small spasm of time. You can feel your heart being wrenched out of your chest for one split second. Then, when the pain falsely subsides not a moment later, no tears fall from your cheeks because all emotion has been wiped from your being.
All you feel can feel is a cold void where warm and delightful phenomenons used to fill your heart. You have no desire to do the things you used to, and the people you love become a little less important to you. You feel like you need to vent, but know that it makes no difference who you tell, because it won't matter to them the same way it does to you.
Then, you begin to feel childish. You 'realize' that your problem has no noteworthy effect on anyone or anything other than you yourself. You begin to doubt that the issue was ever really an issue at all; not one other soul on Earth felt the same way as you did about it.
You feel small, lonely, and forgotten under the weight of your current circumstances, and you do your best to push away every memory which once brought you joy... hope. You find that all your efforts were in vain, and you now realize something with grim animosity:
It wasn't supposed to be, after all.
No comments:
Post a Comment